ARCHIVE: Winter 2008 Edition
Winter 2008 Edition
swirling outside, threatening to dump 15 inches of winter upon us. An appropriate time to dream of far off, sunny places with 80 degree temperatures. Or a winter wonderland ski vacation. Whatever your preference, a destination wedding may be an ideal option for an Encore Bride. This edition will explore destination weddings as an option for encore brides. A destination wedding can eliminate many of the concerns for encore brides about who is on the guest list, gifts, and how to afford both a wedding and a honeymoon. A destination wedding can be anything from getting married in Vegas by an Elvis impersonator, to a small intimate beachfront ceremony at sunset. Whatever your taste, or your interest, a destination wedding spot can be found. Congratulations and happy planning!
by Susan Polyot
Marketed as a wedding and honeymoon with one-stop convenience and a beautiful location all rolled into one package. As with many products in the bridal industry, they are often marketed as a "paradise" wedding to first time brides. A perfect beginning to a perfect life. As an encore bride you know that may not quite be the case. But, can a destination wedding be a good option for an encore bride? Absolutely. Destination weddings can offer an encore bride a number of great options. Encore brides often worry about who should (and shouldn't) comprise the guest list. Planning a destination wedding can ease that worry. A destination wedding can include just the two of you, and either one or two close friends and family, or no one. Most places that offer destination weddings also provide witnesses for the ceremony, if needed. If you are planning a honeymoon, getting married at your honeymoon site offers a one stop planning option. You deal with one person, one place, and one source for all of your planning. A great option if you don't have a lot of time to devote to planning. Encore couples often feel conflicted about what their wedding should be. Small or large, what venue, and how many guests. A destination wedding can answer many of those questions. By traveling to a far off locale, you are deciding that your wedding will likely be a small intimate affair. You eliminate the question of do we invite Aunt Millie to another wedding, do we include office mates, and other questions related to the planning. The term destination wedding often conjures up tropical locations, beachfront weddings with an ocean backdrop. While that can be the case, a destination wedding can include anyplace you and your groom would like it to. Maybe the idea of a ski vacation honeymoon really appeals to you. A destination wedding can be at a mountainside chapel just as easily as at an Oceanside resort. Or maybe you have always dreamed of a Paris honeymoon. Most places you can think of will help you plan your wedding, and often provide a few extras such as champagne and a small cake, and often a room upgrade. There are some things to consider when planning a destination wedding. First, make sure you know what documentation you will need from your home state, and from the destination. Usually this is not cumbersome, but can be a major hassle if you do not have the required documentation upon arrival at the destination. You may have to arrive a day or two early to get the necessary papers in place, especially in foreign countries. Also, be sure to ask what travel documents you will need, such as a passport, in addition to wedding documents. If you are planning a cruise wedding, contact the cruise company directly. Always ask about fees. There may be government and administration fees of $500 or more, depending on the destination. Sometimes these are waived by the resort if you are staying seven nights or longer. Ask. If you are planning a honeymoon anyway, often the added fees for the ceremony offer significant cost savings over planning a more traditional wedding and reception, even for a small (50 people or less) celebration. Destination weddings are most often civil ceremonies, so if a religious ceremony is important to you, you may not opt for a destination option. A religious ceremony can be done, but may require a little more planning and research on your part. And be aware that getting married in a foreign location doesn't allow you to skip the religious requirements. A catholic wedding, for example still would require you to undergo pre-cana counseling, which can be done where you live. But, you would be required to show proof of this from your priest, and show proof of your previous marriage annulment. Pick a place that appeals to you and your groom. Make sure the place you are going offers the activities you want, and has the amenities you want. If children will be accompanying you, chose a resort, hotel or cruise that is not couples only. Many resorts that market destination weddings, especially in the Caribbean, are couples only, and children are absolutely not allowed. For tips on including you children in your honeymoon, see archives. Work with a travel agent. While many travel plans and wedding plans can be made via the internet, working with an experienced travel agent can be a big help in choosing the right location for your personal preferences. Travel agents often know the reputation of places you might be considering, or know of a great property that has everything you want, that you may not be aware of. Destination Etiquette What if you really want your best friend at your wedding in Barbados? Certainly you can invite others along for your trip. It is not an obligation for them to attend, however. You may think this is a great idea – a shared vacation with one or two other couples. Always let people know it is an option. It may not be how they choose to spend their vacation funds, or their vacation time. Saying no is not a slight to you; it is simply a choice for them. Be careful about putting too much pressure on friends to attend, friendships shouldn't be strained because someone doesn't opt to spend a significant amount of money on a vacation they didn't choose. If it is very important to you to have someone special there, either offer to pay for at least a portion of their expense, or opt for something other than a destination wedding. Pack your bags and have a great time! Step Parenting: The Eleventh Hour Bombshell by Susan Polyot You are about to become a stepparent (or you have children who will be getting a new stepparent) and everything is in place for the wedding. The kids have been happy and excited, and they get along great with the new partner…until now. The wedding is approaching and all of a sudden your kids are finding fault with everything your new partner does. All of a sudden they decide he is awful. All of a sudden, the whole wedding is in turmoil. Don't despair, but keep this in mind: What is a happy, exciting new beginning for you is an ending for your children if they have been holding out some hope Mom and Dad will reunite. While they were once happy with your new partner, kids can be conflicted about their feelings as the wedding becomes a reality, revisiting feelings of grief they had when you and your ex first divorced. They may feel that it's disloyal to their other parent if they act overly happy, or participate in the wedding, or even show their approval. You should recognize these feelings are quite normal and appropriate. Don't personalize them. Help your new partner understand that the children are not really unhappy with him; they are merely reacting to the situation. If at all possible, have a family meeting with your children and your ex to communicate openly that the new marriage is okay. Often, children just need reassurance from both of their parents to feel positive about the changes in the family. Reassure your children that you are not replacing the other parent—you may need to reassure your ex of the same—and take time to discuss how the change will affect them directly. Children's adjustment to a new marriage depends on many factors: their age, how well the other parent handles the news of the marriage, and how well the children get along with the new partner. But, even if you haven't seen any evidence of a problem, it's best to expect the unexpected. Children may create a pre-wedding crisis in an effort to force you and your ex to pull together and focus on them. They may tell you that they want to change their living arrangements, or let you know they no longer like the stepparent to be. While you do not want your children to be in charge of the family, it is important to let them have a voice, and let them know you appreciate and acknowledge their feelings. Don't pressure them into participating more than they are comfortable with. You can help by involving them at each step of the planning and talking about their feelings along the way. Resolving these feelings now will avoid a lot of behavioral issues on your big day. Destination Dressing by Susan Polyot
How do you travel with a wedding dress? It can be done with a few considerations. First, is a dress the right attire? For some encore brides, getting married on the beach in a bathing suit and sarong is their idea of perfection. If this is your plan, don't wait until you arrive at your destination to choose your attire. You may assume that because it is a beach destination, choices will be abundant. Maybe, but not always, and not always something that fits your vision of the look you want. Shop ahead of time, and be sure fit and style work for you. For those choosing a less casual option, again shop ahead of time. Chose a dress that is appropriate for your destination. If you are planning a Caribbean destination, that can be anything from a sundress to a more formal tea length gown. Decide what you would be comfortable in, and plan accordingly. Have any alterations done ahead of time, and ask for your dress to be prepared by a professional for travel. Depending on fabric, this means cleaning and pressing or steaming as needed, and packing in a garment bag. At the airport tell the check in attendant what you have, and ask that it be hung, rather than checked. If your dress is a more formal gown, ask that it be boxed by the retailer, or alterations person. They will know how to pack it appropriately with tissue and to fold with the minimal amount of wrinkling. You may have to check the box depending on size, but again make sure the check baggage attendants know the contents and can mark the box as fragile and to handle with care. Plan to bring a portable steamer if your dress fabric can not be pressed once you are at your destination. For the groom, a suit may be appropriate and can be packed in a suitcase with relative ease. Look for a bag with a "suiter" option if possible. This feature allows you to hang the suit in your bag and fold minimally. Casual pants and shirt, or even shorts may also be an option, depending on what the bride will wear. Match the level of formality for each for you. And don't forget to pack shoes for whatever the option. Flip-flops and a suit may not be the look you are going for, but shoes are easy to overlook as you pack for the post ceremony vacation. Plan your dress for your destination, chose a fabric isn't too fussy, and can pack with minimal preparation. If you are planning a destination other than the Caribbean, plan to chose a dress or other attire that fits seasonally with your trip as well. Protect your dress from the contents of your bag by making sure all liquids are in sealable plastic bags in the event of spilling. Happy travels! Groom's Column by Larry Tyler
Probably that was a good thing for everyone involved. I had outgrown any notion of taking the continent by storm, and was just simply curious about how people in other cultures did things. I had waited a long time to see Europe, and now, a great excuse for the extravagant trip was upon me: my honeymoon. That is not to suggest the reason for the marriage was solely to have an excuse to see Europe. Of course it wasn't. Not solely. It was a nice bonus after months of wedding prep though, and I had along with me my perfect travel companion, my new bride. When I say "perfect" I don't mean to suggest that my wife and I always have the same opinions about what to see and do on a trip, or the same level of energy at all times of the day (I leap out of bed at dawn; she rises about the time the sun starts to descend.) Perfect, in this sense, mostly means I had someone to share the trip with who was perfectly patient with me. We mapped out a plan that seemed like a reasonable compromise between a stagnant and a frenzied itinerary, and I immediately began collecting language aids. I was determined not to be so arrogant that I expected everyone to speak English around me or so helpless that I couldn't convey my very basic needs in times of distress. I gathered up my crib sheets and taught myself how to find a bathroom, figure out whether my train was heading toward or away from my planned destination, and keep myself from inadvertently ordering earthworms off a menu. I mastered these skills in French, Dutch, German, Spanish, Croatian, Italian, Danish, Hungarian, Norwegian, and Portuguese. We weren't planning to visit all those countries, but I figured one mistake at a train station could easily make a person wish they knew a little basic Croatian. Turns out English was really all I needed. In fact, I never could figure out whether it was more insulting for me to stick to my native tongue and make everyone speak English to me or mangle their native tongue and cause them to wonder what those strange sounds were, coming out of my mouth. As for the customs from these nearly-parallel cultures that I was so eager to observe, well I'm just simply glad I made the trip and was able to remind myself that having an adventure means not always being totally in control. Things weren't always done the way I was familiar with, or might have chosen, or understood. Every culture, after all, has its share of quirks that defy reason. There were a number of times when I asked myself, "What is the proper thing to do now?" or "How should I respond to this?" or even "Why are they staring at me like that?" But, as I said, it was supposed to be an adventure, and therefore, it wasn't supposed to always be comfortable and familiar. As a matter of fact, that's what made the trip such a thrill. That, and of course, my travel companion. I was able to kick back and remind myself that I was on an adventure and therefore everything wasn't supposed to be according to my rules. Maybe that's why we take our honeymoons in unfamiliar surroundings. Not a bad preparation for the marriage ahead. |
| Encore Bride Magazine Thoughts, Reflections, Suggestions, & Opinions for re-wedding brides |